Alive In The Chesapeake!!

AITC LATE NIGHT MUSIC THREAD.

2012-01-28T00:27:00.000-05:00

Regular readers know it has been quite a week;oneday we will write about it; however, we just want you schmucks that own bars to realize that it don't take much to turn up the damn internet radio so we can't hear your uncomfortable pub conversations. How about it one long-time reader-tell them AT LEAST ONE regular reader what it was like when you could still rock a Happy Hour with a roll of quarters on a juke box. Shew....You know a pub has made you uncomfortable if you are home in your Dennis Kucinich jammies at midnite on a Friday. Bad things..bad things-BTW we didn't get a 'Harumph' out of THAT guy!!

The final song being encouraging because we knew it was going to be Nirvana; yet despite the week we had went with just a fan-damn-tastic of David Bowie's cover, instead of the much darker/hopeless Ledbelly cover...If you didn't know the story; the rehearsal for this MTV Unplugged jam was a hot mess-they couldn't get almost any song right, with Cobain just not being able to knock down the MWSTW solo slide parts. Then when the cameras were rolling...magic was caught in a bottle, and though not perfect the entire Nirvana Unplugged set was filmed in ONE cut. Unbelievable..but so cool. And as we understand depression more-he knew he was filming his eulogy to the world this night. We wish those closest to him saw the signs that were far too obvious.

We just couldn't send you to bed bummed out-watch the teachers come unhinged-under the President Eisenhower portrait...

UNBELIEVABLY FOREBODING UNEMPLOYMENT STATS FROM SPAIN.

2012-01-27T17:01:00.002-05:00

We are pretty much doing everything we can to avoid talking about the debates last night, or any debates right now as too much of even a GOOD thing is too much-let alone this circus sideshow crap-ola. BTW-any more debates and Crabtree rock-a-byes the bunny. That being said, we like to 'think ahead of the curve,' while also realizing outside of America people could really give a half shit about us. They need us-but they are starting to collapse on their own. Like dominoes at this point.

We have traveled to Europe several times, and recommend everyone experience the journey at least once. However, we didn't notice how accurately observant we were being during our last few trips {first in 2002-last July 2010}, where, even in London, we noticed more sketchy people {foreign and domestic}, and what looked like an increasing feeling of desperation among the local population. America as a nation is still a baby compared with these long-established nations. America earned independence from Britain. However, if you did your homework, or more reading than was expected, you remember that Italy {Rome}and Greece {Athens} were the grandfathers of 'new civilization, culture and enlightenment.' In later years, in addition to England, the navies of Spain, France and the Dutch allowed them to not only prosper at home-but to colonize an empire...along with it's precious raw resources {from food products, to oil to the human slave trade}.

If you really paid attention during 2011, all these once dominant nations are, well, they are all fucked up financially. Italy and Greece have fallen first, perhaps because they had already been falling longer, however, Spain just announced a new unemployment rate of approximately 23%. Think about that for a second. America is genuinely busting apart at the seams because of a 9% unemployment rate. AITC would also argue if you measure those that have dropped out of the 'official' unemployment lines, or measured as 'under-employed,' our own statistics may be already that close.

Spain is a nation we did not visit-we were going to San Fermin, but then the Dutch made a run at the World Cup of futbol. YADA YADA YADA-we are OK with the decision we ultimately made. We envision Spain, though, as also a bit like portions of America; where farmers used to be prosperous, and craftsmanship was local. To hear that so many proud, wonderful, overseas nations are suffering breaks the heart. Possibly more importantly, our micro economies are now globally connected whether it is liked or not. If we haven't gotten our long term bleeding under control {what, still just a month more before we have to do the whole debt ceiling pissing contest again??}, we have to start paying attention to the fact that while we gridlock/sabotage each other in the face of pending elections, we may ultimately end up in a really really bad place ourselves as a nation. Yes....even worse than 2008..

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-16754600

This impromptu jam is filmed canal-side in Amsterdam..and no, we didn't notice your B string was a bit out of tune, JF!! :)

'WELCOME BACK KOTTER'S' JUAN EPSTEIN FINALLY RECEIVES EXCUSED ABSENCE.

2012-01-27T14:31:00.001-05:00

As yes, there was nothing like the peril of growing up a Peurto Rican jew in the ghetto during the 70s. Robert Hegyes teamed with an ensemble cast of 'Sweat Hogs' to add a show about harmless school rebellion to what was then an already epic list of cool, funny, shows. Hegyes passed at 60 years-old yesterday after being rushed to the hospital in cardiac arrest. He was 60-at least according to 'Juan Epstein's Mother.' RIP.

http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2012/01/27/welcome-back-kotters-robert-hegyes-has-died/?hpt=hp_t3

"HERE'S TO THE LAND YOU TORE OUT THE HEART OF."

2012-01-26T13:34:00.001-05:00

Unfortunately, it appears our children will have to have their own version of this song. Maybe we can change it for what will be our grandchildren.

DID DEMI MOORE GO INTO SEIZURES AFTER DOING TOO MANY NITROUS BALLOONS??

2012-01-26T12:47:00.001-05:00

Ordinarily, we would be more dismissive as just so much gossip. However, Demi has been quite the party girl through her life, married a dude half her age upon divorce and is reportedly often seen with her young adult daughters from her previous marriage to Bruce Willis. We have been to a Grateful Dead show, or, how many??? We digress-YADA YADA YADA we can believe this. Quite frankly, as a lifeguard we would have checked to make sure they were OK. We can tell you there isn't much you can do for someone having a seizure other than move all the sharp/glass/dangerous stuff away and call 911 the moment you see the signs. And maybe just take a pass after the 5th or 6th balloon. Everything in moderation, folks..

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/01/26/demi-moore-hospitalized-after-inhaling-whip-its-full-nitrous-oxide-report-says/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xbt30UnzRWw {Raise your hands if you ever went to the hardware store with your friends moments before Halloween Eve in order to buy several flower pots so your posse could roll as 'Devo.'}

AS GOP TENSIONS REACH NEW HEIGHTS, THURSDAY DEBATE WILL BE A 'LADDER MATCH.'

2012-01-26T12:16:00.001-05:00

A couple immediate questions come to mind. First, Newt Gingrich even being entertained for president..C'mon, not to sound like Pelosi, but that wasn't going to happen in an era when Soundgarden were young and popular. Second, America needs to step back and take a breath and notice that old-school 'wrasslin' is actually becoming as sophisticated as daily politician discourse-the ultimate irony being the wrasslin' crowd has actually tried to get more sophisticated, while the women/men who control our country seem to be in a race to the gutter. Finally, we hope we can find the video clip from the movie 'The Wrestler,' based on an actual east coast wrestling circuit incident, because we would love this whole GOP debate thing to finally make Mitt Romney's ghetto side come out, and he just beat an uppity Newt Gingrich unconscious on live television to the chants of "Use his leg!!! Use his leg!!!! Use his leg!!!!!!!"

http://www.cnn.com/2012/01/26/politics/republican-debate/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

SOMEBODY STOP THE DAMNED MATCH!!!!!!

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY VOWELS YOU HAVE TO BUY FOR EVERY 'MARGARITA??"

2012-01-26T11:08:00.002-05:00

Pat Sajak has hosted Wheel of Fortune for about 30 years now. He just confirmed in an interview that which many of us kind of expected several times-especially during the early years with a young Vanna White. Between filming of the two daily episodes, Sajak and White would go out to dinner and pound margaritas. He failed to mention if he, quote, 'ever tapped that fine letter turning ass.' BTW- if you have 6 margaritas, that is 24 vowels {without 'salt}. We can only imagine the atmosphere around Richard Dawson's Family Feud dressing room.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20564926,00.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aceuaYKC8lI {He isn't just a contestant..he is possibly a crackhead-and he wins a car}

The landslide starts almost immediately with the simple answer "September."

"THAT PATTY MUST BE A SWEET GIRL. GOD BLESS HER!"

2012-01-25T21:54:00.003-05:00

REPRESENTATIVE GABBY GIFFORDS FINISHES WHAT SHE STARTED.

2012-01-25T14:36:00.000-05:00

This is the kind of story we need today, though still also on the bitter-sweet side. Representative Gabby Giffords resigned from Congress today. Usually these days when we hear a headline such as that, it is because soemone got caught in one, or more, legal/ethical entanglements. Today Giffords continues to inspire as she humbly stepped away to focus on her rehabilitation, vowing "to return." During a time when partisan politics dominate, we can not come up with enough words of admiration for this wonderful woman. In all honesty, we think her husband would make a fan-damn-tastic politician someday, too..when/if he is ready. Outstanding.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/01/25/politics/gabrielle-giffords/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

AITC REMEMBERS FLOUNDER FISHING ON THE OCEAN CITY DRAWBRIDGE.

2012-01-25T13:20:00.001-05:00

As we, I, take a moment to regroup a bit, and enjoy the sunshine and fresh air, bittersweet memories flow in like tsunami. I was born to a single mother in the late 60s-not quite the accepted gig it is today. I never even met my father until I was about 35. As a result, if a precocious young boy was to be properly raised, some ladies had to get their hands dirty.

Pitching Wiffle balls was the easy part; although, if you remember back then, before President Al Gore invented Wal-Mart, you only got ONE ball with your bat purchase. Heaven help you if you started hitting the long ball and had a neighbor who was a shithead and would keep your ball {author feels rage rising..rising...}. The tougher gig was when my grandfather got sick with lung cancer, and was unable to continue to take me to local parks/farm ponds to catch fish. Even at it's best, my grandfather had never taken me to a salt water environment.

Well, my mom, always a lovable dingbat, did what, as I reflect now, was more impressive to me than landing on the moon. Armed with knowledge gained from local volunteer firefighters, two very basic rods and reels and a shitload of shiners for bait{mom always drew the limit at using squid..}, we found ourselves parking near Shanty Town and strolling up on the Rt. 50 drawbridge as if we actually knew what we were doing. I can still see the looks from the 'real' fisherman when they saw the sight their eyes likely could not believe.

Through trial and error, and love, my mother became quite the angler. our family enjoyed eating flounder, and money was tight sometimes. I regret I am unable to supplement the post with some of the pictures today {they are old 'hard copy' pictures in a box waiting for me to rescue them}, but we always came home with a stringer of fish. My best memory being the one day a friend allowed us to fish aboard their party barge in the OC bay. As a vicious storm came in, we all started pulling in our lines, but my mom seemed to be snagged. After handling the rod, it was certain to me that whatever was pulling that line was a live entity. I gave her the rod back, and after a few more pulls the largest flounder I have ever seen came to the surface. It was so big it looked like a damned Soviet submarine.

I didn't eat fish back then, so I can't say I had a bite of that magnificent creature, but he fed about 6 I think. Thank you mom...and thank you to all moms like this. I will carry, and share, these memories with my children, and your love can shape them as well. Mom, I love you!! Always will. :)

AITC SPEAKS FROM BROKEN HEART.

2012-01-25T09:06:00.000-05:00

If I ever break character here, it is serious. Many who have followed for the last few years know my mother has Alzheimer's Disease. To make a painful, long story short, her diagnosis led to a part of myself dying as well. Anyone who has faced this insidious creature of a disease knows the certain layers of heartbreak that go with the inevitable decline. My mother is not in any pain, but as my family makes certain decisions, may I be in your thoughts and prayers. To be honest..knowing that I must make decisions to put my mother in assisted living is breaking my heart, and I can not see the keyboard through my tears. May none of you go through this, but if you do...hopefully a guy like me can find some way to make this better in the future. Somebody has to. This is simply awful.

FAN-DAMN-TASTIC: NAVY SEAL RAID FREES HOSTAGES.

2012-01-25T08:42:00.002-05:00

We needed to start what will be a challenging couple days with a genuine headline like this. Who gives two nuts about speeches-the best of the best just laid the smack down on the scum again. We regret we don't have the time for a proper tribute, however, just know it happened-and be thankful we have such wonderful, skilled, young persons..simply bad ass!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-16714344

AITCS NEWTON JOHN AVIATOR SHOOTS DOWN HOSTILE AIRCRAFT OFF SYRIAN COAST.

2012-01-24T14:31:00.003-05:00

Naturally, we can not identify the lead aviator by his real name, however, a combat air patrol off the coast of Syria was theatened by a 'bogey' patrol that became 'bandits' and then 'hostile.' Flight leader of the 'Purple Tails' night CAP squadron, call sign-Ike Parsons Frehley, gets credit for the kill. In fact, we are going to intentionally drag out our local 'Come To Allah' meeting {and we know either naughty or nice is monitoring our blog via Saudi Arabia and such}, because we have a response strike package in the air [see the first launch of our new aircraft that will destroy terrorist early air defenses, both in the country, and western, parts of your nation], you urine colored fuckers. And, P.S., we hope that our own navy gets the balls to pull the trigger on these poseurs, or else, just give us a tax credit for fictional high octane aviation fuel and Fireball shots.

www.cnn.com/2012/01/24/world/meast/syria-unrest/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

http://washingtoninformer.com/index.php/lifestyle/entertainment/item/5704-red-tails-draws-$20-million-on-opening-weekend

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV3zlk4AoWs {After preliminary tor....we mean questioning; the just captured wing man pilot indicated this song was a favorite among both his squadron, and the Hamas horn section...baby..}

AITC SURPRISED, BUT THANKFUL, REGARDING RECENT BLOG VISIT STATS.

2012-01-24T11:37:00.000-05:00

We have to be honest with you. Every time Facebook, or Blogger, screws with their 'recipe,' it pisses us off. We are all based on routine, and we made this blog simple for several reasons:

1) If we were ever to become a poseur blog that merely cut and pasted dozens of articles a day, lacking the simple creativity of a retarded ass-monkey, in order to pretend we make money...we would mercy kill the blog, and try to get some therapy that we were pitiful, and likely, delusional/routinely psychotic.

2) We are creatures of routine, as is, to a degree, everybody. To be honest, we aren't sure if we ever really understood/adjusted to the recent, several, FB changes. We really didn't care for those changes at all. As you may have noticed, our posting level dropped when the new year started, and Blogger tweaked our shit. We admit that due to a new chapter beginning for us, we can maybe continue the blog a little longer/indefinitely; however, we are also very busy and lack time to adjust to new templates/posting formats. We are in neither the FB/Blogger gig to 'look good.' We have limited time to creatively post our message-we simply don't have the time to relearn how to present the blog cosmetics {photos/links/videos, etc.}. Simple is always better.

3) Given what is said in sub point 2; the Blogger publishing template offers strengths; we just haven't adjusted to it. We are creatures of the old school who could even write our message using a pencil/crayon/burnt tip of a piece of firewood. we used to have to go to walk miles in snow uphill, both ways, to a public library to find the one book regarding computer skills had been stolen. Even more tragically, the book regarding 'Properly Dealing With Rage Regarding Book Stealers' had also tragically been stolen {this happened routinely regarding necessary hard-copy library resources needed to properly write first year law school papers, as well..that could be a post for another day}. Bottom line-we are still here, and our postings may be fewer...but we hope to improve the overall quality since we are obviously forced to adapt to this new Blogger format.

4) Given point #3; one of the 'new' features of Blogger enables the publishers to monitor what postings have been visited most. again, Keep in mind, we also have Sitemeter and will respect your anonymity given the R rated nature of our site, however, the Blogger feature doesn't tell us WHO read a particular article, but HOW MANY read a particular article. As we learn the new format, we were shocked to find out that even though our gratuitous 'man-cave' postings draw attention-many people are drawn to our medical/scientific postings. Naturally, political postings remain equally as popular. So there you have it-we may actually have to persist because even though you guys/gals are enjoying the stuff easy on the eyes-you are also very into the stuff that is the true heart of our blog message. Thank you. Please let us know if there is a topic, of which, you enjoy discussing. We are very honored to know that we have 'regular' readers, and though we ultimately have different opinions, it gives us motivation to carry on to know you all at least are caring about the REAL issues we all face. Ironically, one of our very few earliest, most vigorous, enemies has suddenly fallen prey to one of the medical causes we have supported all these years {on our left sideline}. No matter how much bullshit him/her caused in our lives; we still express our compassion and will fight for your battle, too-just stop being such a constant cumstain. As a sad sub note-very few people covet our sports wisdom, however, we are going to 'fuck you until you love us' regarding sports coverage.

5) Hug it out bitches...it should be more obvious every day that what we do at AITC is every bit as important as what your congressman is doing right now. We do have a bit of an ego-but we actually think given the decline of political discourse/moral compass from actual candidates, we ain't all that bad after all. AITC thanks all of you again for your support. We have already given our 'State Of The Blog Address.' Tonight President Obama delivers his. We didn't 'sugar coat' ours; we hope he doesn't sugar coat his. We appreciate the president's recent sense of humor during public appearances. We encourage our readers to watch the address. We are about to enter 9 months of political Hell..sort of like a nation dealing with a progressing pregnancy. Our advice-start drinking heavily, and when you get home just shove a few Crispy Cremes {i.e. your taxes} under your surly despot's door.

AITC'S 'MORNING WOOD.'

2012-01-24T10:44:00.000-05:00

Though we started with cranberry juice, we have mellowed a bit {mostly due to the coffee mug of night time cough medicine we took around 8:30 a.m.} and for some reason switched to orange juice. And once again ask yourself-"Do I really need to spend time on blogs that give me pictures of Ron Paul/one of Yoda's bastard sons, or should I go to a blog that TRULY symbolizes the greatness of what used to be a 'less-uptight' America. We didn't get a 'harumph' out of that guy-throw him out into the damn alley and tell the police a car hit him..

IT SEEMS LIKE TODAY WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO START WITH CRANBERRY JUICE.

2012-01-24T09:48:00.001-05:00

WILL KEITH RICHARDS OUTLIVE KEVIN FEDERLINE??

2012-01-23T20:09:00.005-05:00

Federline, 33, was in Australia filming a reality show on weight loss called 'Excess Baggage.' While participating in a football challenge, the famed back-up dancer/celebrity spouse traded in his Chevy what sounds like a borderline heart-attack-yak-yak. Federline, once lean as a back-up dancer/struggling borderline homeless person, is 6 feet tall-his weight at the time of the incident was approximately 231 pounds. Definitely needs to lose at least 10% of that body weight, especially at only 33.

When reached for comment, Keith Richards appeared to reply "Sahwa sahwa? Linchemt. Summa summa margolinko! Dig??" Our protocol droid, who translate Richards into English, and a devout Baltimore Ravens fan, called in sick to work today for some reason so we can only expect Richards didn't properly understand our question either, and was simply requesting a large coffee mug of coffee filled with 'I Can't Believe It's Not Heroin' hazelnut creamer.

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/kevin-federline-suffers-heart-troubles-football-challenge-excess-baggage-reality-show-article-1.1010565

STEM CELL ADVANCES SHOW PROMISE RESTORING SIGHT.

2012-01-23T18:57:00.000-05:00

Let's just say it is hard to speak of either sports, politics or weather today. Instead, may we 'double down' with two consecutive progressive medical research posts, which quite frnkly, are the reasons we do what we do here. Research is suggesting that, among so many other medical applications, may actually be able to assist persons once blind regain/obtain sight.

We will link up to a MSM link because we are not really a doctor; merely play one on a Nicaraguan soap opera {Muah-un beso!}, so we will just take credit for the assist here. You may ask yourself-why do we not pursue this wonderful stem cell research more, it just sounds awesome. Tragically, for me to answer would turn the discussion political {they are 'non-used' EMBRYONIC stem cells}, which is why nothing gets done in America on ANY issue. Read, reflect, repeat as necessary..

http://www.cnn.com/2012/01/23/health/stem-cell-research-breakthrough/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Embryonic_stem_cell

MAGIC MUSHROOMS HAVE LEGITIMATE THERAPEUTIC BENEFIT??

2012-01-23T18:21:00.001-05:00

The research sample size was rather small, involving a couple dozen people after a Phish concert, however, it appears positive benefits may be obtained. Currently classified as a Level I drug {along with heroin, LSD, etc.} which is 'without medical benefit and may be highly abused', research from overseas suggests benefits of the drug assisting terminally ill/cancer patients deal with anxiety, as well as possibly benefits in reducing depression. We knew they have been progressive like this in Europe for quite a while-we are ultimately sure our own federal government will find a way to remain obtuse and hateful. In the meantime, grandma from San Francisco indicated that will dance topless as she wishes, she would like another grilled cheese and a small box of lubricated condoms. She also wanted a flower to wear in her hair..
http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2012/01/23/magic-mushrooms-may-be-therapeutic/?hpt=hp_t2

THE BALTIMORE WIND CRIES, WHISPERS AND SCREAMS-SCOTT NORWOOD.

2012-01-23T00:01:00.000-05:00

Or what was the infamous place kicker from Ace Ventura?? We were blessed with being able to view the game, but not hear the commentary. However, we know what happened..and a few people probably should just take a private flight to Tajikistan {where you could probably find a dozen better place kickers than the dude being fired right now}. We hate to admit that we knew this gig somehow was not going to come out right. We may not be able to speak of this for a while..

http://aliveinthechesapeake.blogspot.com/2012/01/aitc-downgrades-hopes-for-ravens-super.html

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbkZF2L71DE {"After all the jacks are in the boxes..and the clowns have all gone to bed.."}

COACH JOE PATERNO PASSES AWAY OVERNIGHT.

2012-01-22T10:41:00.000-05:00

An remarkably sad way to begin a legacy. Arguably the spiritiual heart of Penn State, as long time football head coach. the horizon recently changed amid muliple, sordid allegations of child sex abuse/assault by the offensive coordinator of his football team. We have a feeling 2013 is going to be kind of miserable for all involved in the mess as the case eventually comes tom trial. paterno was 85, and had been having 'complications' from lung cancer surgery.

AITC PROPS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA FOR AL GREEN TRIBUTE.

2012-01-20T14:01:00.003-05:00

President Obama is obviously riding the equivalent of the sugar high your kids get when the neighborhood gets a new federal contract and everybody starts giving out full sized Snickers bars. We still wanted to see Herman Cain perform this love jam!! Oh, it would be so easy to leave this blog thing if our whole country didn't become so much more profoundly retarded each day. BTW-WE may post our version of 'Let's Stay Together' tonight depending on technology and late-night imported beer specials..

www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8Qu8nThJ5w {In a twisted way-THIS is why you don't want Congress to legislate fair use/intellectual properties..Quite frankly, AITC can't help but note that in the face of ridonkulous GOP lameness, this cat's pimp hand is actually quite strong..}

ETTA JAMES PASSES WITH DIGNITY AND RESPECT.

2012-01-20T13:52:00.000-05:00

The blues legend, who had fought against the dieing of the light so strongly, for so long, passeed away today. What a tremendous ride, and a remarkable legacy. As wedding DJ's, 'At Last' was the song of the night over a half dozen times, and was a jam that could be played as a late night slow dance jam from Powellville to Brooklyn Park. May she finally be at a peace that equals the peace her songs brought many of us.

www.nytimes.com/2012/01/21/arts/music/etta-james-singer-dies-at-73.html

COSTA CONCORDIA CAPTAIN ORDERS DINNER AS SHIP CAPSIZES.

2012-01-20T00:52:00.002-05:00

We are old Poseidon adventure fans, and can't help but finally shed some light on this excruciatingly awful, still-getting-worse, situation as the doo-doo gets deeper. The massive cruise ship hit a rocky reef while trying to 'salute' {i.e. pass closely by the beach} of an island on the cruise route. Shit quickly hit the fan, and the reef, but apparently the captain of the ship was the worst person to make any decisions.

Some of us with travel/legal/common sense backgrounds wondered why the Captain, and we believe his First Officer, were 'cuffed and stuffed' so quickly after the incident. Then it became apparent just how grievous the captain's mistake was not merely to get so close to shore-but now we are getting to the real meat and potatoes of the story {possibly literally}.

We will be posting links to document the updated details, and one will hopefully include the unbelievable call between international rescue teams and the ships captain where rescue officials alternate between rage and exasperation trying to get the captain to get back aboard since all souls had not been evacuated. Now we get details from the ship's mess crew that within an hour of the ship running aground, the captain ordered dinner for himself and a date instead of manning the bridge to coordinate evacuation and rescue efforts. The amount of cluelessness, possibly intoxication, at least unsound/cowardly judgment of the captain is horrifying.

The captain is naturally presumed innocent until eventually executed by a vengeful international court. He remained stoic, and mostly silent, when pressed for comment-only requesting our correspondent please stop calling him 'Shirley.' Fair 'nuff..

www.cnn.com/2012/01/19/world/europe/italy-cruise-cook/index.html?hpt=hp_t3

SARAH BURKE DIES FROM HORRID FREESTYLE SKI INJURY.

2012-01-19T16:57:00.001-05:00

We heard it did not look good from the start due to the awful 'whiplash' effect of the fall/crash that caused so much head trauma. Advanced surgery was attempted..regrettably, the mountain was too high. The news is just breaking, and just awful. Keep in mind-she was a young professional, a remarkable athlete and wore a helmet-maybe it is just a coincidence we noticed this news as we are about to check out a new bowling alley. Now go hug your kids...

aliveinthechesapeake.blogspot.com/2012/01/freestyle-skiier-sarah-burke-really.html

www.montrealgazette.com/sports/Skier+Sarah+Burke+dies+week+after+crash/6020535/story.html

RICK SANTORUM WON IOWA?? WILL FIGHT MITCH 'BLOOD' GREEN NEXT??

2012-01-19T16:23:00.000-05:00

There was some confusion during the raucous victory celebration where many gathered said Santorum actually exclaimed "Bring on Mitt!!" Surprisingly, some local wise guys still like Santorum to go the distance, and possibly gain at least a split decision, against Green, who obviously can't defend against a right hook.

www.cnn.com/2012/01/19/politics/iowa-caucus/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

AITC'S 'MORNING WOOD.'

2012-01-19T11:54:00.000-05:00

And to think, you ladies thought us men were all pigs. We can only imagine how offensive this photo may be to our IT staff in India. However, we have gone to some of their bachelor parties, and those cats aren't kidding about the benefits of karma. After this rather superficial, offensive feature, we will moo moo move on to the weather forecast,

POE TOASTER 'NO SHOW' AGAIN-TRADITION DEEMED AT AN END.

2012-01-19T11:41:00.001-05:00

We really, really, wanted to go downtown last night, but it is cold and getting worse {our weekend weather forecast will follow this post}. We secretly believed that the Toaster is either deceased, or incapacitated, however, thought the caretakers might get together and secretly keep the cool tradition going, especially days before a city plays for a trip to a Super Bowl.

However, it is official. The Poe Toaster was a no-show for a third consecutive year, and the caretakers have formally declared an end to the tradition. We have a feeling we haven't seen the last of Poe popularity, especially if the Ravens keep up the good work...evermore..

www.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/arts/bs-ae-poe-0118-20120118,0,3331884.story

RICK PERRY DROPS OUT OF GOP RACE-RETURNS TO WAL-MART GREETER JOB.

2012-01-19T10:49:00.002-05:00

Perry, who will undoubtedly be played by Max Baer of 'Bevery Hillbillies' fame during the inevitable After School Special about how retardation completely seizes a political party, has decided his journey is complete. Consistent with his capabilities to the very end, he once again encouraged everyone 21 years-old and older to come out on election day November 12 th vote for Newt Gingrich. He also crayoned a personal letter to each of the 5 Supreme Court Justices expressing his long held respect for the judicial branch and hopes they, quote, make us some nice new laws for a change. And thus does one raging idiot return to Texas to wield executive power over the masses.

politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2012/01/19/breaking-perry-to-drop-out-thursday/?hpt=hp_t1

AITC DOWNGRADES HOPES FOR RAVENS SUPER BOWL APPEARANCE.

2012-01-18T12:54:00.001-05:00

Never a good sign heading into an AFC Championship game against a formidable dynasty team in their own stadium when your defensive players start dissing your offensive players/coordinators. Surprisingly, there is little joy in cHarm City today as the morning radio/papers set off the controversy after publishing safety Ed Reed's comments that Joe Flacco has to step up his game more. [Flacco-Bobblehead is pictured above along with Supreme Court Justice Scalia Bobble-head {we also just got the long-covetted Clarence Thomas bobblehead from Santa}, one of our porcelain Buddha's and several other celebrity/super hero mourners during the funeral for one of our deceased tropical fish-ironically, buried in a container/coffin that used to contain soy/wasabi sauce.]

If you have read this blog the last couple years, we have been critics of Flacco as well. However, Cam Cameron the offensive coordinator is likely the tumor that needs to be excised. Last week's home play-off game against Houston was a win...but tepid. They would have never beaten New England with that game plan.

So here we are. Three games left in the NFL season. We have liked the 49ers from pre-season-we definitely think they will be there now after getting a late Christmas gift when the NY Giants stunningly un-assed the defending champion, and almost undefeated this year, Packers. We know we will have on our purple. We know we have some emails/FB posts to do some trash-talking...however, to be honest we aren't sure Baltimore could beat NE at home right now, let alone in Foxboro. It is AITC's opinion that unless there is significant snow/wind/rain that will limit Brady's air game, this game will go to the Patriots. If it were to be a 49ers//Pats Super Bowl in a neutral site-we actually are thinking right now that the 49ers are your pending Super Bowl champions.

www.baltimoresun.com/sports/ravens/ravens-insider/bal-ravens-insider-ed-reed-rips-joe-flacco0117,0,1779437.story

www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/14/vernon-davis-crying-49ers-saints-td-catch-video_n_1207010.html {Here is the reason we make our pick...and why we admire a team that plays with the fellowship and intensity our Ravens USED TO demonstrate..}

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge-ELqL_Rz0&feature=related {The play at full-speed and replay...copyright nonsense killed the feed in the link above. Leaving it on the field...leaving it all on the field..Even better, we notice on this replay the kid QB, alex Smith, giving a Saints linebacker a little speech about the scoreboard that would likely be 'non-Tebow-ish.' We like it, and wish we could see it from Flacco!!}

aliveinthechesapeake.blogspot.com/2011/01/mysterious-edgar-allan-por-toaster-no.html {Faithful reader, Ridgely Griffith of afterthegoldrush blog [you should see his comment and blog link in our comment chain] kind of eerily pointed out this whole Poe anniversary thing. The pictured image at top is from Poe's actual grave, a nice walk a short distance from pickles Pub/Camden Yards/various excellent downtown hospitals. We just don't have the time to tell the full story of the 'Poe Toaster,' who as of last year had not been present for two consecutive years. from what we understand, this will be the last year caretaker's of the property accommodate the tradition if the PT'er is a third consecutive no-show}

AITC 'GOES DARK' TO SHOW BLOG SOLIDARITY.

2012-01-18T12:17:00.001-05:00

OK-you protest your way...we will protest our way. Either way contact Congress to express your disgust at this, and many other forms, of pending legislation. Now you will pardon us while we try to find that old bottle of Alize and our Al B. Sure love-mix tape..

bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/01/16/wikipedia-plans-to-go-dark-on-wednesday-to-protest-sopa/

www.youtube.com/watch?v=auC92I1cadg&feature=fvst {Original 'Juicy' video by Biggie}

AITC'S 'MORNING WOOD.'

2012-01-18T11:03:00.000-05:00

While Jersey Boy was getting his Monopoly on, we just walked up and stole his honey like we'd steal his bike..

WE HAVE SOME 'GHOSTS IN THE MACHINE.'

2012-01-17T10:14:00.004-05:00

Fits in perfectly with some of the luck we have been having recently. AITC is able to publish posts, we can read and publish your comments from our dashboard, but then we and we assume you as well, are unable to get into the comment screen to read them. We did not need this right now as we are extremely busy. We will look into what is going on, but not being PC geniuses, we make no promises on how/when we can resolve the glitch. Things may be a little light regarding posting as we try to nail down the cyber-Gremlin.

BTW-Tim, and others, I assure you your comments are being published. From what I am experiencing you can try to access the comments one time, and it will be screwed up-but if you try again later, you can access them. Something changed in the Blogger system though because I changed no settings. I have my crack staff working on the problem, and if I get more time, i wanted to change the 'look' of the blog a bit anyway. In a nutshell, this is a message of hope-but also a warning that when I start fucking with technical things I could erase the whole shooting match, so I am trying to take a 'minimalist' approach to restore a 'reader-friendly' environment. For the record, in over 4 years of Blogging, I have likely rejected less than 10 total comments, and only about a half dozen of those were 'hateful'-others were just spam. Unlike other bloggers, I welcome fair, educated, debate from either side, on any issue. I may not agree, but if you express your feelings as an adult, your comments will be approved. "Marketplace Of Ideas," baby..

A FEW DEGREES WARMER WILL MAKE EVERYTHING A LITTLE EASIER.

2012-01-16T15:18:00.003-05:00

It has been cold. Luckily, we ditched the sustained winds/wind chills from several days ago, but temperatures remain near/below freezing. We literally hold our breath as we await the 7 day prognosis because we know there could be snow/sleet at anytime. However, it looks like we get another week of reprieve. It may rain a bit during the next 24 hours, but temperatures will be rising into the 50s.

Doesn't sound like much, but at least you don't need to find scarves/gloves/hats for everyone just to walk the dog. Things pretty much sunny and dry, with tolerable daytime temperatures around the 50s. That is pretty good for this time of year-we had already had a pretty crappy set of storms last year, let alone the start of the huge, multiple blizzards two winters ago.

Our advice, and we are taking it ourselves, get out and walk the dog/kick the soccer ball/throw the football or Frisbee. Especially if you have kids, energy/calories need to be burned off, and everyone will sleep better {including the dog} if they are exhausted. There are still at least 10 weeks ahead when the last thing you are going to want to do is go outside.

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/weather/

AITC REFLECTS UPON THE LEGACY OF DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING.

2012-01-16T13:41:00.005-05:00

We have been in this rodeo that we can sort of pull from the archives to give proper tribute. We need more willing to offer so much to fight for the freedom, dignity and togetherness of humankind. The bottom line we see now is that the battle within America {and even internationally} is not so much black vs. white anymore. It is extreme right vs. extreme left. Blind emotion/rhetoric vs. sane, educated discourse. Are we motivated, and prepared to summit another significant mountain top?? Will we get there with you??

http://aliveinthechesapeake.blogspot.com/2010/01/aitc-remembers-dr-martin-luther-king-jr.html

http://aliveinthechesapeake.blogspot.com/search?q=martin+luther+king

AITC THOUGHTS REGARDING A WONDERFUL WEEKEND OF FOOTBALL.

2012-01-16T13:06:00.003-05:00

Of course we shall start with the obvious. Helluva' effort by the Ravens to get about where we projected their path would collide-in New England against the Patriots. Watching what Brady did to Tebow was not unexpected, but the air show statement he put on does not bode well for Baltimore. Ed Reed/Ray Lewis are still dinged, and the two-headed NE tight end beast is going to need people fast and tall to seal them off. frankly, we don't think they can contain them, and the only way to win is to amp up so much pressure on Brady that the ball never gets into the air. To be honest-we don't like the match-up, but Purple shall always be our call in any AFC Championship game.

Perhaps the best, grittiest, game was from our season-long upset special, the 49ers. The 49ers secondary was tested to the limits by Drew Brees and responded with some vicious hits, the most important being the bone jarring hit on the one yard line by a 49 safety that turned the ball over and stymied the Saints dominant, 6 plus minute, opening drive down the field. It appeared that the two SF safeties were being buoyed by the spirit of old-school 49er safety, Ronnie Lott {pictured above}, who once had a segment of his pimkie amputated rather than miss games to have surgery/rehab. The Saints looked to be on the way to being blown out but rallied, actually took the lead in thrilling fashion late, and saw the 49ers unleash their own magic moments later. If it wasn't the best game in quite a long time, the final 5 minutes was as good as we have seen in a decade.

The only pick we failed to get correct was the most surprising one. Almost everybody we talked to, some from New York, thought their team would put up a noble effort, but come up short playing such a tough team in Lambeau. We missed a great deal of the game while getting horrible restaurant service, and quite frankly still do not believe the final score of that game. The Packers offensive coordinator lost his son during the week, and though it may not have been the reason for the loss, it certainly didn't help the mood in the clubhouse.

Giants now go to SF for the NFC Championship game, where we believe their magical mystery ride will come to an end. We have to go back into our archives-there is the chance we picked the 49ers to be in the Super Bowl this year, and everybody thought we were crazier than a shit house rat. We believe we may have gritted our teeth and picked Pittsburgh to represent the AFC back when they were healthy and seemingly invincible.

Three total football games remain. Considering the 4 teams still involved, the games should all be tremendous, hard-hitting football. We regret that at some point we have to send an email to our father in Massachusetts to revisit the statement he made back in early September that proved to be very wise.."Your Ravens look good. See you in the play-offs." And now it is for a ticket to the big dance...what a great year in the NFL, no matter how these chips may ultimately fall.

BTW-We notice over the last few days some gliches in Blogger regarding being able to read our comments when published-or at least we have had some trouble with it. Please send us a word or two if you are also experiencing technical difficulties seeing any of our content. Thank you.

AITC DOES NOT SUPPORT 'BASTA PASTA.' WHO ELSE WANTS A LIMP??

2012-01-15T18:34:00.008-05:00

We may start to do many more of articles such as this due to what we have seen, and refuse to tolerate, during the next year. Based on their cooking, and customer service, we believe they are possibly just Taliban pretending to cook Italian. The problem is-Basta Pasta's stuff isn't even as good as Stouffers entrees-which we would assume the terrorists would go for first.

We don't slam people, but if you are just outside Baltimore, have an empty bar and then insult the one dude who stops in for the second half before he even orders his lasagna {wonder why it was so empty???}...well, you can suck our fucking dick. You and a lot of your competitors will have a lot to learn when you find out there is no more bail-out money for rude, unwise merchants who don't give even the most basic of customer service. You think your dumb asses survive through the end of April without cats like me pulling your weight during weeknights??

Check your fucking attitude, boys and girls, and also don't assume I will give you 20% as a 'pity tip' because I used to be a server. I will tell you this in plain fucking, profane English. I usually tip 30%, but based on what I've seen lately, that is very negotiable..and put your fucking cell phone away when you have tables.

You treat me and my family like shit and you will get nothing-and you will fucking like it...of course you will also get named in a review like this-and you will fucking like it again. For any of you that are 'too spoiled' to think waiting tables is below you..please suck our dick, and pass your job offer on to the nearest community college kid//Recovering single dad//military veteran//paroled person...all likely have more pleasant attitudes than many of you uppity pricks.

WE HOPE THAT YOUR WEEKEND IS AS FULFILLING AS OURS.

2012-01-13T16:49:00.004-05:00

These are destined to be the best years of our life. We are single, successful, bloggers. Shirley if we were on the wrong track, there would be some sort of sign, or perhaps some 'writing on the wall.' BTW-In case we just blow off things-take all four home teams in football this weekend to win.

AITC WILL MONITOR WIND//COLD THROUGHOUT WEEKEND.

2012-01-13T15:17:00.007-05:00

For obvious reasons including, in no particular order:

* Our balls have been frozen all day despite thermal underwear{s} due to a sustained, penetrating wind. Have you ever noticed how you absolutely, positively, must pump gas/place trash at collection point during almost Neptune-like chill conditions?? Needless to say, there has been some undesired shrinkage that we just don't need entering a holiday/Raven play-off weekend.

* The Ravens game itself. It is on Sunday, luckily, we believe, at 1:00 p.m. in the heart of what sunlight will be available. Now we just have to make sure there will be sunlight...we prefer to wait a little longer and give a more definite forecast, but in a nutshell, last year was much, much worse.

*If you are taking infants out. Don't take infants out. if you are taking young children out, bundle them like Ralphie's little brother in 'A Christmas Story.' If you are out, refer to our first bullet point as we are adding ANOTHER layer of thermals so our balls will stop chattering. Unless we can get them to rattle in a reggae beat..

* This is the time to drink the Grand Marnier, drink side run the java...{picture above is not just a serving suggestion, but a cyber request...how much for one rib??}

* This is about all we got right now..we hope to be more creative when/if our balls defrost..In the meantime we encourage you to join James Brown and his Celebrity Hot Tub Party.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TESW8LMo2OY {"Should I get in the water?? Will it make me sweat? Should I get in the water?? Will it make me wet???? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-WWWWW!!}

WRITERS' BLOCK-WE HAS IT. WE ARE FINALLY ON OUR OWN.

2012-01-12T13:54:00.004-05:00

Maybe the seasonal depression has set in, and all work and no Thorazine makes jack a dangerous boy. Sorry we don't have anymore to offer..but since we don't have any sponsors to cater to we shall just take the hound for a long walk. In the meantime, all of you do your damn homework and clean your rooms. What?? Do you think this is a damn hotel??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diiL9bqvalo {We usually sang the part of 'My Man, Hank.' To be honest we performed it in a local Orangebees restaurant several days ago who, quite frankly, were a little capricious with they employed cayenne pepper spray and the National Guard. How many more??}

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnOoNM0U6oc {What if you knew him/her, and found they were bullied to the ground?? How can you run when you know?}

AITC'S 'MORNING WOOD.'

2012-01-12T11:04:00.004-05:00

We aren't stopping until our aorta simply explodes..BTW-if you are from the country, 'aorta' is best understood when used in a proper local sentence. For example," 'Aorta' fill in those potholes down by the post office 'fore my alignment gets messed up." Please send all hate mail to Jeff Foxworthy. Thank you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErN7fQd6WzA {This is when your shortie screams so loud the neighbors call the po-po...}

JUST UNCOVERED BEETHOVEN LETTERS WARN OF THREAT OF JUSTIN BIEBER.

2012-01-11T12:58:00.003-05:00

The recently unearthed 6 page document was written by the esteemed composer himself and placed into the documents also containing a will, and he goes into great detail lamenting his long term illnesses, his lack of money and his outrage that a little suburb punk with no talent whatsoever gets all the duckets and paternity suits while all he got was deafness, bi-polar disorder and a Winger T-shirt (and it was a medium!}.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-16510767

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludwig_van_Beethoven

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DgvksZWbwc {"Ah-Choo"}

AITC DENIES INVOLVEMENT IN IRAN NUCLEAR OFFICIAL CAR BOMBING.

2012-01-11T11:15:00.007-05:00

The entourage speaking for recent whereabouts of the AITCS Newton-John maintained that they had no knowledge how an Iranian nuclear official became nothing but so much salsa yesterday when his car exploded. In what is at least the third such type of attack in two years, a motorcyclist attached a bomb to a car, and adios muchacho. Many in the international community believe it is the Israelis working with AITC to thwart Iran's blossoming nuclear program. However, while speaking for the AITC delegation, our blind editor Stu Pidasso indicated that the suggestion of Jewish or AITC involvement was just absurd, because when was the last time you saw a blind or Jewish guy be able to drive a motorcycle? Then we can't be sure, but it actually looked like he winked at the media contingent.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-16501566

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5Gi0wopcPY {A brief response from our Hebrew Issues Editor, Sir Mort Goldman.}

FREESTYLE SKIER, SARAH BURKE, REALLY BUSTED UP YESTERDAY.

2012-01-11T10:39:00.004-05:00

We present this story for several reasons. most importantly, she is really messed up in a Utah hospital with a severe head injury. She hand landed a move on the half-pipe, but the inertia 'whiplashed' her directly to the ground where her head took the brunt of the blow {imagine if she had not been wearing a helmet}. She is in a coma-her prognosis is guarded, but there is great potential for long-term damage based on similar cases. Though still very young, Burke is considered a pioneer in the 'sport' being active since 2000.

Our other reason for this post is that we don't much care for these 'extreme sports.' Though 'cool,' we also consider many of the acts done of snowboards, skateboards, skis, bicycles/motorcycles and such to just border on suicidal. Naturally, it is the 'ten foot tall and bulletproof' youth most drawn to the danger-adrenaline seeking behaviors. You can get your egg scrambled playing hockey, too-somehow we just feel that is more of an accident than purposely hurtling yourself down a hill while trying to see how many times you can flip upside down. we don't like trampolines either...not just a bone breaker but a liability 'attractive nuisance.'

http://www.powdermag.com/stories/sarah-burke-seriously-injured-in-crash/

NEW HAMPSHIRE POLLS CLOSED-RICK PERRY STILL HOPING FOR STRONG FINISH IN OLD HAMPSHIRE.

2012-01-10T19:09:00.005-05:00

So, in summary, and based on preliminary polling, it appears the three most influential GOPers in New Hampshire are from either Utah or Jupiter. At some point it is just going to be time for everyone to get a grip and get behind Romney {much like his designated 'chair bitch' above}, or the whole electoral process will just completely vaporize into a political punchline.

POLLS PROJECT EVEN STEPHEN COLBERT WOULD BEAT HUNTSMAN IN SOUTH CAROLINA.

2012-01-10T15:11:00.003-05:00

Once again, with other people coming up with genuine material like this, our retirement is Shirley soon to follow. You know you have a ticket to comedic paradise when you are in a Bob Evans restaurant and the discussion comes up and the person believes that wonderful, patriotic, man {Colbert} should carry the cross, we mean flag, of the Republican party. BTW-AITC's Sheik Yorbuti continues to ride the lightning as he finished 12th in the polls.

MOST HATED MAN IN AMERICA, SADDAM HUSSEIN ROMNEY, CONTINUES EVIL REIGN OF TERROR.

2012-01-10T15:01:00.003-05:00

Sigh. To think a rather lifeless Mormon Republican from Utah has not proven 'conservative enough.' Sigh. We are doomed..or fired...

http://www.cnn.com/2012/01/10/politics/new-hampshire-main/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

AWFUL OUTCOME TO MISSING GREEN BAY COACH'S SON SCENARIO.

2012-01-10T14:45:00.004-05:00

The offensive coordinator for Green Bay went into Sunday knowing his son was missing-the worst has come true. His 21 year-old son was found dead in a nearby river. We will let the link speak to what few details are known now, but quite a tragedy, and the epic moment that either shakes, or forges, a sports team [the game remains very secondary}. The pain is beyond words, and quite a dark way to begin the final landing to a fantastic season. Just horrible-we will do our best to try to find a cheery headline to balance this out...Thoughts and prayers, and maybe a laugh, is all you can do during something so terrible.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/01/10/us/wisconsin-body-found/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

NEWT GINGRICH AND MITT ROMNEY FIGHT OVER PAIR OF CAPRIS PANTS.

2012-01-10T13:16:00.006-05:00

Quite frankly, we at AITC are appalled by their un-ladylike behavior. Using the wisdom of Solomon, we at AITC have settled the dispute by cutting the pants in half so each lady can have a leg. Somewhere the president is sitting back just wondering how white people got to be this stupid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljph506ADaI {"I.....hate...everything about you-why...do...I...love you???"}

STOP FISHING IRANIAN SAILORS OUT OF THE DRINK-SHARKS NEED TO EAT, TOO.

2012-01-10T12:52:00.005-05:00

So in addition to not turning that fundamentalist wasteland into a glowing glass parking lot for being complete shitheads since at least 1979, now our navy is fishing failed Iranian sailors out of the drink. This is also despite Iran's proclamation that we should not send our ships near their waters and that they are preparing to choke the world's oil supply by seizing the Strait Of Hormuz. This time it was the Coast guard who saved doomed semen {yeah..they are iranian-it is spelled that way on purpose} just days after a US warship freed over a dozen Iranian semen taken prisoner by pirates. We say let the sharks take them.

http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Latest-News-Wires/2012/0110/US-rescues-another-group-of-Iranian-sailors

WE GENUINELY APOLOGIZE WE TOTALLY BLEW THE SNOW FORECAST.

2012-01-09T21:49:00.005-05:00

We boned it..totally boned it. We have been sitting in a vehicle going up and back a 30 mile stretch, and it has taken just over 8 hours. We went south into Bay bridge area snow, and we never saw it coming until we were ass deep in a dozen mile back up. We would provide weather now, but it is obvious we have sucked at it, and picking football games, so we may just crowbar off the shoes and see what is on HBO. We had penciled in a slow news day- we have no idea how it turned out, or may turn out as the Tylenol PM kicks in. In lieu of any actual wisdom we could provide, we do recommend finding the vehicle ice scraper, your waterproof boots and a small flask. Depending on moisture conditions, some of these items are more important than the others.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_BnBmdGjJo {And it's all over...for the...unkown AITC weather man...Fire!!}

AMERICA TREMBLES WITH GLEE THAT CHARLIE SHEEN 'NOT CRAZY ANYMORE.'

2012-01-09T12:31:00.002-05:00

We did a feature during the hot summer months last year where we compared Sheen vs. Gadhafi rants. One of the two made out significantly better than the other. Charlie has now made us all feel more relaxed that he feels he is no longer insane..Somehow 2012 is smelling a lot like 2011.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-31749_162-57355117-10391698/charlie-sheen-im-not-crazy-anymore/

MAYBE AMERICA JUST HAS ALZHEIMERS-BEHOLD "NO PANTS DAY.'

2012-01-09T11:16:00.002-05:00

The ultimate punch line being 'No Pants Day' went down inside a crowded DC Metro train yesterday. The event has become a bit of a tradition-authorities are present to make sure everyone wears underwear{s}, and the jovial crowd polices itself so they don't see another fun tradition get stomped up by the growing legions of the uptight. Funny, we came home one night from a concert with no trousers in the 90s...maybe we were the bold 'Rosa Parks' who started this grand tradition.

http://www.nbcwashington.com/the-scene/events/No-Pants-Day-a-Hit-on-DC-Metro-81112087.html

AITC'S "MORNING WOOD."

2012-01-09T10:53:00.005-05:00

Move along...move along. Nothing to see here but a smoking hot coed humping a pillow. We are sure there are a plethora of blogs somewhere you can find more fulfillment by calling Mitt Romney a pious baloney poopie-head, or listening to Ron Paul wax nostalgic regarding the time he got his head stuck in the banister {Ron Paul's kitty says 'Meow'}. Don't you know-America is full of the 'already walking dead' these days..

A VERY DULL, TEDIOUS WEEK APPEARS AHEAD.

2012-01-08T23:22:00.003-05:00

No football until the weekend. It gets darks so early that it makes after work dog-walking/activities darn near impossible. Few good movies. The GOP types will continue to shank each other, just in a different state-New Hampshire. Otherwise, one must be creative to not start getting the early stages of cabin fever. Walk around the next couple days as some mid-week rain will pass, however, still not horrible for January. If you are walking/riding bikes at dusk/evening, do not assume your fellow driver is watching the road. obey all d=safety laws, wear high visibility clothing and, even if it isn't required by law-get a good handlebar lamp..they are just life-savers {in Holland you are also required by law to have a horn}. Stay safe..and stay healthy. The next few months are hard on morale. We threw in Elvis because we think we owed hima a belated birthday wish from the kast few days.

AITC QUICK LOOK AT FOOTBALL CONFERENCE FINAL FOURS.

2012-01-08T22:29:00.004-05:00

AFC: #1 Seed NE Patriots {home} vs. Denver Broncos {Sat 8-ish pm}

# 2 seed Baltimore Ravens {home} vs. #3 Houston Texans {Sunday 1 pm}

NFC; #1 Seed Green Bay Packers {home} vs. #4 NY Giants {Sunday 4 pm}

#2 Seed SF 49ers {home} vs. #3 NO Saints {Sat 4 p.m.}

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ycn-10809107 {Best we could do after a busy weekend, and exciting games..we think we went 2-2 during the wild card round, thinking Cincinnati and Pittsburgh would win...now that we think about it, that just leaves the Eavens from a strong conference that sent three teams to the playoffs this year. Wow. Look at a few of those match-ups for next week....enjoy the games while you have them-after next weekend there will only be four surviving teams left to play three total games. That's it...BTW-May as well make quick predictions: Baltimore beats Ne//SF beats GB..BALT defeats SF to win Super Bowl...well, we like to think that.

AITC QUICK LOOK AT EXTENDED WEATHER FORECAST.

2012-01-08T12:58:00.002-05:00

We are clearly having a better Christmas/early new year com pared with last year. New Year around the east coast featured cold, blustery conditions and snow from Virginia up to New York/New England where it really messed them up for a few weeks {especially trash collection...think about it}.

The next couple days are reasonably sunny, mild and dry. Rain does move in mid-week, but along with temps in the 50s, so there still wont be snow. this forecast goes through about January 15th, which is half way through a notoriously tough month. We note the blizzards a few years ago hit in late January, and early February so we are far from out of the woods yet. Take the tolerable weather to slowly, efficiently put away you holiday decorations. Clean the garages. Clean the vehicles. Clean the BBQ grill. Make sure you know where your snow shovels, and left-over driveway ice melter are.

Other wise try to eat a lot of soup and salad, take the kids and dogs to the park for Frisbee and exercise and check your vehicles wiper blades and tires and such, because during your next oil change you may want to address those issues. Bad tires lead to poor fuel efficiency, dangerous blow-outs and just plain leaving you stranded unless you can change a tire [assuming you have a proper spare, and lug wrench kit]. We always encourage people to invest in AAA coverage, as for a hundred bucks or so you get towing/transport/and a trustworthy driver.

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/weather/

BALTIMORE ORIOLES SIGN KOREAN, M.S. VICTIM AND GUATAMALAN NUN TO FILL VOIDS.

2012-01-08T12:01:00.003-05:00

If you were thinking the Orioles would break the bank to get one of the few top dollar free agents-think again, they are almost all gone, or committing to other suitors. In the meantime, the orioles continue to search Third world nations for people with marginal baseball talent who don't mind being paid with clear tap water and a bag of oranges. We noted the whispers that the Orioles would also possibly trade CF Adam Jones, but that would likely be the last straw for us and we would erase them from our memory banks forever.

http://www.baltimoresun.com/sports/orioles/blog/bal-orioles-sign-minor-leaguers-0107,0,6322729.story {Embarrassingly awful..}

NFL WILD-CARD WEEKEND CONTINUES.

2012-01-08T10:50:00.002-05:00

We were basking in glorious sunshine and didn't see the Houston Texans scalp the Cincinnati Bengals, and by the time we got comfortable for the saints/Lions game. The Saints were already applying a firm ass kicking. Today it is the NY Giants vs. the Atlanta Falcons in the 1:00 p.m. game, with the better match-up of Pittsburgh vs. Denver in the 4:15-ish game.

The Giants pretty much won the NFC East because everyone else was pathetic. Atlanta rode a hot young quarterback, and balanced team to a play-off spot. It would be easy to say the Giants are the worse team, but they have the gig at home, and an immensely talented quarterback of their own. We think it will be a good game, eventually won with toughness on the ground. We see it being NY Giants30 Falcons 20

The more intriguing match-up occurs later today when Pittsburgh must face Denver, in Denver. Ben Roethlisberger is expected to play, but will be lacking mobility. Pittsburgh's running back is also out for the rest of the season. However, Denver's offense is like watching the cast of Jersey boys try to accomplish physical acts. Look for a crucial mistake late in the game when Denver is penalized for 'too many apostles on the field' which will turn the momentum in Pittsburgh's favor. Quite frankly, Tebow will be lucky to finish the game, and the over/under on interceptions he throws sits at '4' Call it Pittsburgh 27 Denver 3

AITC'S "MORNING WOOD." EL NINO EDITION.

2012-01-07T11:29:00.003-05:00

In case you don't comprende, El Nino is Spanish for..the nino. Something has to be keeping mild weather patterns in place across the mid-Atlantic the last few months. There may be some football today, and a comet may hit the planet, but you may have to learn it from some other blog as we plan to soak up some sun. And as if our featured lady wasn't wonderful enough, we heard her balloons {the colored ones} contain nitrous. Get out and enjoy yourselves...even you hateful gimps-you know who you are.

HARDER TO FIND A MORE 'BUZZ-KILLING' DEATH THAN THIS.

2012-01-06T19:33:00.003-05:00

The pilot and ten passengers died when the hot air balloon plummeted back to earth after an on-board fire. No matter how frazzled we get during a round of golf in any canyon, anywhere on Earth, at least we hope to die a comparatively peaceful death brought on by cardiac arrest and/or rattlesnake venom. Somehow we find the quote from a witness that it was a perfect morning for ballooning' to be at least slightly misleading. We believe the photo above is the actual crash, but even if it isn't it is about went wrong in New Zealand,,

http://www.cnn.com/2012/01/06/world/asia/new-zealand-balloon-crash/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

SLOW NEWS DAY. GREAT WEATHER THOUGH.

2012-01-06T13:41:00.004-05:00

We think early last year the first big story was the massive Japanese earthquake/nuclear disaster, soon followed by the first symptoms of the 'Arab Spring.' Things unusually calm today as we believe all GOP presidential candidates are simply exhausted and may be taking extra naps {they should..sleep deprivation is awful}. The Iranians are acting like trouser nuggets, as usual, but we haven't had to shoot one of them in the face, or sink one of their vessels today.

We have a pending article coming up regarding our usual complete outrage regarding the Oriole's failure to spend money to get quality talent. In a subtext we never imagined, and we don't even want to talk about, there is some suggestion the Orioles are thinking of trading one of their primed, young talents, CF Adam Jones, for reasons we have yet to understand. Jones is primed for a stunning offensive, and defensive year. Atlanta is also apparently very interested.

Weather remains cold, but stable...and we will take a deep breath and look ahead for 7 more days a little later as we plan weekend activities. In the meantime, we recommend Roly Poly kids' gyms, DC museums {see these in the heat of the summer for the air conditioning, and in the bitter cold for the heat}, and Baltimore/Annapolis waterside downtown areas. Once again, if you are traveling, give us a comment and we will recommend hotels that are cheap, ritzy and pet-friendly {maybe a combination of a couple of the above}. We are also looking into the Baltimore/Annapolis concert scene..We will certainly let everyone know of any cool shows once we have purchased our own tickets before it sells out.

SINEAD O' CONNOR SHOULD BE TRIED AT THE HAGUE FOR HATE CRIMES.

2012-01-05T15:46:00.002-05:00

The unlovable, surly, bi-polar, bald chick has now decided that to divorce her husband after 16 days was far too merciful for him. As a result, she forced him to make love to her for many hours until the synapses in his brain finally snapped and he agreed to un-divorce the devious cue ball looking mentally unstable trolless. And to think, we were lamenting that it was shaping up to be a bit of a slow news day.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/01/05/showbiz/celebrity-news-gossip/sinead-oconnor-reconciliation-rs/index.html?hpt=hp_bn4

AMERICAN GOALIE, TIM HOWARD, SCORES 90 YARD GOAL.

2012-01-05T14:38:00.004-05:00

Wind conditions allowed him to get more juice into the ball, and when it bounced around the penalty box area the additional topspin and inertia carried the ball over a stunned opposing goalie's head {pictured above}. It is a rare feat, only accomplished by one or two others during the 20 years of the British elite league where the match was played. The demoralized rival keeper was pulled after the goal in favor of another player who all felt gave them a better chance to win {see top photo}.

http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2012/01/05/goalkeeper-scores-on-90-yard-kick/?hpt=hp_c2

HORRIBLE UTAH DRUG RAID FIREFIGHT KILLS AT LEAST ONE OFFICER.

2012-01-05T13:58:00.003-05:00

A dozen or so officers were executing a 'knock and announce' warrant as part of an investigation into sale of narcotics. Upon getting no answer, the door was breached and the suspect opened fire with what is believed to be an AK-47. One officer died of his wounds at a nearby hospital-5 others were wounded in conditions ranging from stable to critical. The suspect was also wounded, and is expected to survive...at least until he receives a death sentence for murdering a law officer during the commission of a felony. Witnesses suggest at least 40 shots were fired during the gun battle. The slain officer leaves behind a wife and two children. This is also why 'no knock' warrants are a safer option because suspects do not have time to get to weapons or destroy evidence.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/01/05/justice/utah-officers-shot/index.html

IRANIAN PROVOKES AITC MARINE-MARINE SHOOTS HIM IN THE FACE.

2012-01-04T15:52:00.005-05:00

Hey, we were children when Iran took our hostages in 1979. You buy the ammo, and we will shoot every last one of them right in the fucking face. In conclusion, AITC for president in 2012. Who else wants a limp/speech impediment??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STt9dqPsFTE&feature=related {What do you think Sergeant, I still don't think he feels it yet. Light him up again!!}

MICHELE BACHMANN BAILS ON PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN TO JOIN 'THE SLITS.'

2012-01-04T10:59:00.005-05:00

She was shocked and disappointed to find out America has no desire to support a woman who has a dubious grasp of history and reality, and gave the impression she would be on her period for for straight years while in office. Bachmann will take a brief respite to pull her husband out of the bedroom foot locker so he can begin his new business selling doggie sunglasses {today's contest is for readers to determine which portion of that last sentence is ACTUALLY TRUE!}. She will then enter the recording studio with The Slits to begin cutting tracks for their new album "Stop Pinching My Vulva So Hard." Somewhere Tim Pawlenty is just laughing his ass off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emGPYFU9k_Q&feature=related {Live Slits covering 'I Heard It Through The Grapevine'...these chicks drank all our vodka and weirded out our dog during our last barbeque..}

SNOOP DOGG PROVES THE PRICE IS RIZZLE..FO' SHIZZLE.

2012-01-03T16:36:00.004-05:00

Launching a week of celebrity appearances on Price Is Right, Snoop rung up impressive numbers for his charity. It appeared to be a dream run for Snoop when he got out of contestants row by bidding $420 on a home entertainment device, and then won both showcases by determining the pawned value of all items/vehicles in both showcases within $100. In other news, ice cream concession sales outside the studio green room spiked an least 8,000%. Now you homeboys gimme' the microphone, and that big ass steak, first so I can bust like a bubble.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6TUhx2wX0M {"We had that damn couch for 20 years-should have kept the plastic on it!!}

http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2012/01/03/snoop-dogg-pays-a-visit-to-the-price-is-right/?hpt=hp_c2

THE COLD RIGHT NOW IS DOWNRIGHT PARALYZING.

2012-01-03T14:17:00.005-05:00

We are rugged outdoors men, born in Ohio's Snowbelt, and we know how to layer thermal/fleece/rain-proof layers. We have pulled out our winter hats, gloves and scarves. That being said, wow, it is fucking cold outside. Not only are temps low- a sustained, frigid wind is just killing one's spirit. This is the coldest air we have seen since February of last year, and it can be a killer. Please be supportive of pets and not leave them outside in these conditions. Even if you leave them food and water, it is likely other wild varmints will steal the food, and the water will freeze. many these days that rely on oil heat can not afford oil-check on them. Many others rely on kerosene..and smoke around it-check on them, and take a fire extinguisher, or four.

We know many homeless live on the street, or out of a car//condemned building with no heat. As we see politicians spend millions of dollars to eat catered lunches and stay in 4 star hotels, we ask those of you who support traditional American values to look within your heart. To be honest, the real scoundrels are selling drugs or burglarizing homes to maintain their poser lifestyle. Many in America are elderly widows/widowers, or single parents of multiple children while being the first person the taxman comes for.

Find within your hearts a compassion to donate directly, rather than through a corporate charity organization. Help a person make their first resume. Offer them a small place to rent contingent upon them keeping the property clean and vibrant. Go through your closet, and just hand out the 8-56 old sweaters you never wear anyway. Do the same with the shoes/boots that no longer fit-hypothermia often starts from the feet and moves upwards. In addition to good karma, the act may also give you a minor tax deduction. On an evening when so many will pretend to represent the heart of American values, may the hundreds of people that read this blog each day take the time to touch a few people wherever you live.

America has gone from a nation with a pyramid with a strong foundation, to a Towering Disaster where eventual foul winds will bring the entire calliope to the ground. It is time to let the castle fall into the swamp, and build a more pragmatic castle amid what used to be the bedrock of American society.

AITC MARINES VAPORIZE IRANIAN 'FAST BOAT.'

2012-01-03T12:03:00.006-05:00

Blood was spilled in the Strait of Hormuz today as forces on high alert due to Iranian naval exercises, overt threats, missile testing and an Iranian proclamation that the US should not deploy an aircraft carrier in the crucial waters, finally had enough. We had spent the money on construction, hardware, ammunition and sailors/marines for the newly purchased AITCS Locklear, so by God we are going to let her on the dance floor.

Earlier today as Iranian jaw-bumping escalated, an Iranian fast attack craft crossed the bow of the Locklear, and began circling around for what appeared to be another pass. When it was clear they were trying to possibly ram into the ship to detonate explosives, the Locklear raked the vessel with Phalanx, machine gun, and cannon fire. A boarding party of AITC Marines, led by former Mommy Issues Editor, Master Sergeant O'Chies, seized the crew areas of the ship, while a team of AITC SEALs, led by former Movie Editor/Langley, VA resident, Stu Pidasso, took the bridge and engine room. Surprisingly, no Iranians survived the assault and the burning, listing craft was scuttled after everyone involved in the assault had a chance to take a nice runny shit on the Iranian flag.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/01/03/world/meast/iran-u-s-/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

http://aliveinthechesapeake.blogspot.com/2008/09/gunny-sgt-ochies-mia-in-anne-arundel.html

AITC'S "MORNING WOOD."

2012-01-03T11:39:00.002-05:00

Well, it is time to put another holiday season behind us. The 'holiday hall pass' Mrs. Claus gave us expires at noon. Quite frankly, we could use a little rest..

IOWANS PREPARE TO CAUCUS LIKE IT'S 1949.

2012-01-03T11:19:00.006-05:00

And so the final act of the Special Olympics GOP primary begins in the cultural epicenter of America. AITC will go on record predicting a victory for Ron Paul this evening as he just stunned a capacity crowd of toothless subsidy farmers by telling them "I know everything there is to know about the corn business. You got corn on the cob, popped corn, caramel corn, cheese corn, cream corn, cornbread, corn chowder, corn stew, corn soup, corn muffins, fried corn, boiled corn, steamed corm, a corn kabob...that's about it.." The crowd simply wept at the man's incredible acumen. Ride the lightning, my friends! BTW-celebrate early; as usual, last call in Iowa is promptly at 8:15 p.m.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/01/03/politics/iowa-caucus/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6ncb9_prince-1999_music {"The sky was purple, there was corn everywhere.."}

AITC SPONSORS 'WINTER CLASSIC' 2ND INTERMISSION FASHION SHOW.

2012-01-02T16:54:00.002-05:00

It has been a gritty game so far, and snow flurries are moving in. The teams needed a scoreless first period to adjust to the 'new ice' and wind conditions. the second period featured a burst of offense mid-way through the period leading to a 2-1 Flyer lead. We will now be moving down to the center ice area to enjoy some nice crab soup, and watch the bachelor fashion show we have put together for a charity to benefit traumatized women. God bless those wonderful boys..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWM-fNJ1dO8 {Without further ado, we present Bachelor Number 32, defense man Johnnie Upton..}

AITC'S 2012 'STATE OF THE BLOG ADDRESS.'

2012-01-02T13:15:00.005-05:00

Good afternoon my good friends/bitter enemies. We had intended to make this address last night, but a good meal combined with a double portion of hot chocolate along with an Ambien..YADA YADA YADA-we were out by 11:00 p.m., and the funny/tragic thing is we briefly awoke to the sounds of explosions, gun fire and arbitrary 'Yee-Haw-ing.' but in Baltimore that can just as easily happen February 8th or October 32nd, etc..To make a long story short, we gladly allowed 2011 to escape with a whisper rather than a party.

And here we are. A blog that started in 2008 to advocate for a president that was supposed to lead us to a more promised land. 2008 was definitely the start of our descent into a middle-age crisis valley, and the death spiral continues. We look at our SOTB address last year when the 'life stall' began. We promised a new attitude of tolerance, and compromise and we lived up to it. Few others did. As a result, we see a nation divided amongst D v. R. party lines, but in a cruel, but interesting subtext-the R is seeing their camp split between what this author recognizes as the traditional Republican party, and a, well, feisty, faction that likely should just start it's own party. Quite frankly, we will vote for Romney, and due to recent posturing think he will select Santorum as his VP candidate.

However, we see 2012 as a particularly disappointing, tense, agitating year. We feel no banks or corporations will lend money/hire many people because they are hedging their bets in the face of what will be an excruciatingly close election. Many of us who want to start small businesses have little or no chance, as even banks and corporations are begging for help. Home foreclosures continue, and people with student loan debt can barely afford a studio apartment while working two or three make-shift part-time jobs.

Our nation goes to the polls in early November this year. Though significant, we all can not afford to chalk off another year waiting to find out which way the wind blows. Our American population is growing older, and more 'ethnic' whether many like it or not. We need to adapt to this. For example, if we want to nation-build-make Mexico look nice and get their gang violence under control. A safe, thriving Mexico means less people pretty much being 'refugees' crossing our border. Hell, some of us Yankee bastards may even want to go south to take jobs in Mexico since things are so bad in Maryland.

As we enter 2012, the state of this blog is 'apprehensive.' We sense a great deal of opportunity for our nation, but feel political campaigning will delay any progress until at least early 2013. In the meantime we are only as strong as the neighbor/friend guarding our flanks. We entered the blog game prior to the 2008 elections because that was a significant time in American culture. 2012 may be even more defining. We note that our posts were frequent, but not as frequent as 2010.

We will continue the blog through the end of the year to get through the epic election cycle ahead of us. Our postings may not be as frequent, but we hope maybe they are more contemplative. We also hope you aren't shy with appropriate comments. Happy New Year to all-take a couple moments to to something nice for yourself for 10-15 minutes...and then do something nice for someone else for the same amount of time. We do not believe in 'big systems/government' saving the day...we do it by ourselves, friend-to-friend, brother-to-sister, neighbor to neighbor. No matter your God, the message is always faith, love and compassion. Peace, and good fortune to you all in 2012, and beyond.

FOR 2012, WE 'WENT BIG' AND ORDERED A PAIR OF 'BEAR SHOES.'

2012-01-02T11:56:00.004-05:00

Pray you never vex us..

NHL 'WINTER CLASSIC' START TIME MOVED TO 3:00 P.M. ET TODAY.

2012-01-02T11:10:00.003-05:00

The game between the Flyers and Rangers is being played in Philly's baseball stadium. Temperatures are cold enough, however, a 1:00 p.m. start time has been bumped back because sunny conditions are resulting in 'soft ice' around noon. We will put up some snippets from HBO's 24/7 feature, as well as great moments from hockey past. We are caps fans, so technically we hope both of these teams lose today. look for Mike Rupp of the Rangers to dance with at least one Flyer. We will also try to find footage of the Flyer's Russian goalkeeper, who is quite a cool, colorful character...with a very hot wife.

http://philly.sbnation.com/philadelphia-flyers/2012/1/2/2676286/winter-classic-2012-weather-report

BALTIMORE RAVENS AT CINCINNATI BENGALS. 4:15 ET.

2012-01-01T13:23:00.006-05:00

Quite frankly we don't like the match-up. If Cincinnati wins, they earn a play-off birth. If the Ravens win, they earn the AFC #2 seed and at least one play-off game at home. The Ravens have been dreadful on the road, losing to Tennessee, Jacksonville, Seattle and San Diego {all NON-PLAYOFF TEAMS}. The game is in Cincinnati. The Ravens have some injuries. We feel this may be Cincinnati's day if they protect the football. We love our Ravens, but they have pervasive question marks. Cincinnati: 27 Balt:20.

An interesting subtext effecting this original prediction continues to intrigue us. The NE Patriots controlled their own path to the overall AFC number 1 seed, giving them home-field throughout, as well as a week one bye. The Patriots are down to the Buffalo Bills 21-0. We know the Ravens are watching this game as they put on the tape/foil. If the Patriots lose that game, that just puts a hunk of desirable raw, red meat on a plate for the Ravens. We still don't like the match-up, but at least this gives the Ravens a burst of more intensity. BTW-what other bloggers do you know that can do a ventriloquist routine with a righteous crab cake sandwich..

SHIRLEY SOME DAN FOGELBERG WILL CHEER US ALL UP.

2011-12-31T15:05:00.004-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhdxjcjzCAM&feature=fvwrel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QW4ZO3HL2Us&feature=related {As we officially say goodbye to the 2011 Christmas season, we present Ned Gerblansky singing 'Little Town Of Bethlehem.' In lieu of hate mail, please send AA batteries..}

AT LEAST 60 DEGREES IN BALTIMORE ON NEW YEARS EVE.

2011-12-31T12:36:00.004-05:00

Absolutely none of the puddles of urine or vomit in the street are frozen despite it being late December. Yet another late Christmas miracle. Enjoy the weekend-the mid work week will see some near freezing temperatures, but still no snow in the short-term forecast.

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/weather/

THINGS LOOKING UP IN 2012 ALREADY-KATY PERRY TO BE SINGLE AGAIN.

2011-12-31T12:18:00.004-05:00

We.....would.....wear....that....ass...out. Word!! In retrospect, we need another woman with a fundamentally religious family like we need one of those lovely shit-bags on our hip. We are pretty much the American Russell Brand, anyway, and apparently that didn't go so well.

http://popcrush.com/katy-perry-russell-brand-divorce-parents-religious/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98WtmW-lfeE&ob=av2e

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPpxbEl-e8o {'The Jeffrey' Just rub the furry wall, mate.}

AITC IT STAFF REPORTS FOR YEAR END UPDATES-ALL HAVE NOSE BLEEDS.

2011-12-30T13:31:00.005-05:00

We are looking at our Christmas week traffic, and getting the picture that some people had more vacation time than we did. In that spirit, we will limit postings the next couple days until a really sucky 2011 is just about to pass us by, and focus on cosmetic blog updates and downsizing of things that only break our balls without giving us a reach-around. BTW-we aren't comment whores, but you could at least tell us you love us, or to go fuck ourselves..if you ignore us, we are only going to act out more histrionically..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1enfo8zn3_g {Q: "Do I hear dogs barking on that thing?" A: "I do." BTW I don't do requests...}

SCHLITZ MALT LIQUOR BULL RAMPAGES, AND IS ASSASSINATED, IN CARROLL COUNTY MARYLAND.

2011-12-29T21:40:00.004-05:00

We had a cow whisperer on the scene who indicated the bull made a gesture that indicated he was, quote, "up and out of this bitch", and burst free from his owner in a grand Thelma and Louise like burst for ultimate freedom. The owner shot him twice with a shotgun, and authorities put another couple rifle rounds in him to finish him off. We have not confirmed that Wilford Brimley bayoneted the prone, mortally wounded creature because he was hopped up on too much dia-beatus medication. The crowd assembled paid final respects and then went out to beat 4 bushels of oysters to death, and bought some BBQ sauce, for the funeral after party and bonfire.

http://www.carrollcountytimes.com/news/local/bull-shot-in-mount-airy-after-escaping-truck/article_d7144b93-664f-5435-a47d-e313daf5d4f8.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0H2fH3K044 {"Who the Hell did I hit???"}

GENUINE BALTIMORE BELTWAY AREA TRAFFIC UPDATE.

2011-12-29T12:49:00.005-05:00

Once again, if you are a long-time reader, you know one of the themes of this blog is the wretched driving behaviors and inadequate highway/bridge infrastructure in America these days. We know about half of our Maryland audience {as a teaser, we have as many out-of-state, regular, readers as Maryland readers due to our focus on national/international content} is from the Eastern Shore, where we grew up. Traffic is annoying there, but nowhere near the scope of horror found in the baltimore//DC//Northern VA metro areas.

This particular update is for our Baltimore area peeps. During the last couple of weeks, the Baltimore beltway has just been a theater of horror. Even more congestion brought on by construction and speed cameras has led to almost daily disruptions of the inner and outer loops. During the rain on Tuesday, the beltway was a meat grinder. We are just learning that yesterday was about as bad, if not worse.

Bottom line being that because of an I-83 onto-inner-695-loop crash that killed a 5 year-old boy yesterday afternoon, the same 'mixing bowl ramp area' has just closed in order for authorities to reconstruct the accident. If you are in the Towson/Timonium/Cockeysville area eventually headed south-we advise you to stay in touch with people who have already traversed the detour routes and let you know how things are flowing.

Once again, we beg people to not eat, text, talk, or read while driving. We know drunk driving is horrible as well, but we feel a driver can be stone sober and so distracted as to be a menace as well. Come to a complete stop...waive somebody in front of you..pull over and take a 5 minute time-out if you are getting frazzled. We don't have the statistics at our fingertips, but fatalities due to traffic accident across the nation are heart breaking. We can not fathom the sudden, tragic loss of a 5 year-old, innocent, child.

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/breaking/bs-md-co-beltway-closed-20111229,0,6088000.story

http://aliveinthechesapeake.blogspot.com/2011/12/statistics-show-evil-ideology-killed.html {Shazaam-we had some statistics after all...}

http://aliveinthechesapeake.blogspot.com/2011/06/people-on-ludes-should-not-drive.html

AITC'S "MORNING WOOD."

2011-12-29T12:28:00.003-05:00

OK, so here's the deal-io. Esteemed, loyal, readers know our Morning Wood feature has always been a fairly obvious way to get people to perhaps read our more educational postings while being distracted by the rather superficial things that men growing up in what USED TO BE 'America' enjoyed. And then everybody became a priggish wussy and would rather spend their day listening to some wanker on political talk radio. Not to trample upon our pending State Of the Blog Address, but we had even considered eliminating the MW feature in favor of a more professional presentation.

However, we will not let America, especially the men, lose their balls anymore. It is pretty obvious that about half of our country is totally off the charts, and it may be up to us to bring everyone back. In the meantime, some of you need to act like you have a pair. Enjoy the titties and sports coverage for a change. Do you really think ANY of the politicians give a shit and a half about you??? AITC has been giving for free, without the need for donations/advertising, for what is about to be our 5th year. What are the rest of the blogs and media doing to give you a smile and cool picture each day?? Are you ALIVE, or are you already dead..You are the one that makes the choice.

MICHELE BACHMANN'S IOWA CAMPAIGN MANAGER ENDORSES RON PAUL.

2011-12-29T12:13:00.004-05:00

And thus ends our chapter today in the 'GOP Masterpiece Theater Of the Absurd.' When queried as to whether he realized the scope of his own job description before uttering the endorsement, he possibly replied "You think YOU hate Michele-try being stuck on a tour bus in Iowa with her for several months." Somewhere Tim Pawlenty gently weeps. Tell you what, like dang ole' sands through the hourglass...

http://swampland.time.com/2011/12/29/qa-kent-sorenson-the-iowa-senator-who-just-jumped-ship-from-bachmann-to-paul/?hpt=hp_t2

IT IS COLD OUTSIDE.

2011-12-28T17:09:00.004-05:00

We had an alert that the wind chill would make things less tolerable, but you can really feel it out there tonight. Or maybe it was just us-but we were even somewhat layered. It is finally time for gloves. Temps in the low 20s tonight?? Look out for the critters and your fellow man as this may be the first burst of truly fatal winter air. Now that such a cold system is in place, any future precipitation will likely be snow. Oy.

AITC PUTS BOOTS ON THE GROUND IN IOWA PRIOR TO CAUCESESESSESES.

2011-12-28T14:34:00.003-05:00

We are going to anticipate that the vegetable of the day is likely corn, so can we have a shot of bourbon instead?? We would like to say that this bit is completely satire, and we don't know anybody like this. We would really like to say that..

http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/27/politics/iowa-ad-wars/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

AITC SAY GOODBYE TO CHEETAH. CHEETAH GOOD FRIEND.

2011-12-28T13:04:00.005-05:00

There is unlimited sadness today as word trickles down through the international community that Tarzan's longtime companion monkey, Cheetah, has died. Cheetah was estimated to be 80 years old, and is survived by his ex-wives, Betty White , Angie Dickinson and that uppity female monkey from the old Lancelot Link shows, plus many offspring, empty bottles of 99 Bananas and a significant pile of his own accumulated feces. Regrettably, one curious monkey, {George??} had to be tased and arrested due to excessive curiosity that disrupted a crime scene investigation. He is now incarcerated pending a bail review hearing {see above}.

http://www.historiccity.com/2011/staugustine/news/florida/tarzans-sidekick-chimp-cheetah-dead-80-21790

AITC DELEGATION PAYS LAST RESPECTS AT KIM JONG IL FUNERAL.

2011-12-28T11:27:00.005-05:00

As could be expected, the rogue nation financed funeral spared no expenses. We are going to miss that little fucker..

http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/28/world/asia/north-korea-leader-funeral/index.html?hpt=hp_t3

AITC RAISES BLOG DEBT CEILING-DEPLOYS NAVAL ASSAULT GROUP TO STRAIT OF HORMUZ.

2011-12-28T10:53:00.007-05:00

The world is so unstable. Our original aircraft carrier group imagined to counter Chinese//North Korean tensions is actually being used to counter suddenly unstable again Chinese/Korean peninsula tensions, and Chinese aircraft carrier development. Our second carrier, deployed to tame Middle-East/North African aggressions is suddenly now being used to put out fires in Yemen and Syria. We needed Iran to threaten to seize the strategic world oil shipping choke point of the Straits of Hormuz like we needed a shit bag on our hip.

Our credit card was declined for a third full-flight-deck carrier, so we determined we would instead opt for a nice light amphibious assault ship that would allow us to employ helicopters and carry a bunch of our AITC marines. We couldn't afford one of the nice, new French Mistral class carriers, and the US navy hasn't christened any of the new America class ships. We had our eye on one of the Wasp class vessels, however, it seems we aren't the only ones looking to maintain elite, efficient, naval strike assets. However, we did trade in one of our old vacation cars and threw in some cash, plus a 6th round draft pick, and were able to purchase one of the old Tarawa class amphibious assault ships. So, without further ado, we bring introduce the AITCS Locklear.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarawa_class_amphibious_assault_ship

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/America_class_amphibious_assault_ship

http://aliveinthechesapeake.blogspot.com/2011/05/meet-mistral-helicopter-carriers-france.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGpQej3o9eo {The traditional christening. Spaulding! Get your foot off the boat!!}

http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/28/world/meast/iran-us-hormuz/index.html?hpt=hp_c1

$77 MILLION POWERBALL TICKET SOLD IN GEORGIA IS NOT CLAIMED.

2011-12-27T21:56:00.003-05:00

After 180 days, Powerball says 'No Soup For You.' The $77 million will be pieced back up by the participating states. Even if we don't possess the actual ticket, we would still love to know the back story about where it ended up...unrequited..

http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/27/us/georgia-lottery-ticket/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

AITC PROVIDES EXCLUSIVE AUDIO OF LOST ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL RECORDINGS.

2011-12-27T16:25:00.003-05:00

After 125 years of painstaking research/digitalization...makes you yearn for smallpox, actually..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZ5TajZYW6Y {It is a little muffled and scratchy-turn up your speakers/headphones for a better effect.}

http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/27/living/bell-digital-imaging/index.html?hpt=hp_c1

AITC WEATHER//TRAFFIC WARNING!!!

2011-12-27T15:47:00.004-05:00

It has been a dreary, heavy, almost-sleet-like rain over metro Maryland today. We had some plans, but have cancelled them as there are several accidents disrupting primary roads {I83, I695, now the secondary roads..}. Be careful out there. Please stop shopping if you don't have to be out there and give the rest of us a break for a couple days. It is simply awful out there right now..

AITC'S SHEIK YORBUTI AMONG MALL OF AMERICA CASUALTIES.

2011-12-27T13:55:00.003-05:00

Yorbuti was returning a, quote, 'infidel Christmas-I-spit' sweater when an uncontrollable infidel, capitalist brawl erupted. The last thing he saw as he lost consciousness in a growing pool of his own blood was a woman standing atop his collapsed frame asserting that she, quotes, "Keeps it real like that!"

http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_t2#/video/bestoftv/2011/12/27/am-mall-of-america-mayhem.cnn

http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?title=keepin-it-realer&videoId=11915 {When KIR Goes Wrong..Brenda Johnson edition..BTW-we don't like people playing on our phone!!}

AMERICA STILL NOT IN GOOD SHAPE IF SEARS AND KMART ARE DOWNSIZING.

2011-12-27T12:53:00.002-05:00

Competition from Megalo-mart/Wal-Mart/Tar-jay, as well as robust Internet shopping, have just proven too much competition for certain traditional retailers to carry on. Sears and K-Mart were American classics in the 70s//80s..now they may soon live only in our dreams. 'Corporate Darwinism' we guess..We were a yute during the times when the floating store "Blue Light Special" was the hottest retail feature going.

http://money.cnn.com/2011/12/27/news/companies/sears_kmart_closings/index.htm?hpt=hp_t1

WE WOULDN'T HAVE LASTED 18 HOURS WITH SINEAD O' CONNOR.

2011-12-27T11:39:00.005-05:00

Sinead O'Connor just made a laughing stock of Kim Kardashian's laughing stock of a marriage. Sinead O'Connor is announcing that she is divorcing after just 18 days. Among the reasons are her usual psychosis, but also a tender story about how the marriage started to fail about three hours after the ceremony when O' Connor made her new husband go into town to try to find a weed dealer. O' Connor indicated that she is "sorry I am not a more regular woman." When reached for comment in Heaven, both Pope John Paul and Will Rogers were at best indifferent indicating they "never much liked the loony bald chick anyway."

http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/27/showbiz/celebrity-news-gossip/sinead-o-connor-ends-marriage-ppl/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

http://aliveinthechesapeake.blogspot.com/2011/08/grenade-oconnor-popes-revenge.html

DREW BREES BREAKS DAN MARINO'S 1984 SINGLE SEASON PASSING RECORD.

2011-12-26T23:37:00.003-05:00

One must give credit where it is due. In thrilling fashion tonight, Drew Brees just became the NFL's all time single season passing record. He completed a late touchdown pass while at home on MNF. Congratulations to Brees and his team mates. Quite a feat, indeed. Brees still has one more game to pad his stats, although he will likely be limited as the saints are already guaranteed a play off spot. Brees has now definitely punched his Hall Of Fame ticket once retired. Worth staying up for-not too bad a game, either.

AITC JOINS JOURNEY TO YEARLY NHL 'WINTER CLASSIC.'

2011-12-26T16:16:00.005-05:00

Oh, sure it was especially cool when the Caps and Penguins were featured last year. the Caps would go on to win the battle, and the 2011 campaign, but did they win a certain war?? Penguin foundation piece Sidney Crosby was knocked gooey in that game by a back-checking Capital and has only played a smattering of games in an entire year since due to post-concussion syndrome.

The game this year is NY Rangers v. Philadelphia Flyers. If you have HBO, don't forget to watch the 24/7 documentary which features all the cool behind-the-scenes footage, and explicit camera footage and player-mic'ing. The language,and attitude, is vulgarly refreshing. Check out the most recent installment of 24/7, and you will see how they intertwined REO Speedwagon's 'Roll With The Changes' into a Flyer's game highlight montage. Bravo...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRfStNYyyNk {A li'l taste from HBO's 24/7 Road to the winter Classic..Flyers & REO Speedwagon..}

http://aliveinthechesapeake.blogspot.com/2011/01/aitc-and-hbo-draw-final-curtain-on-2010.html

ULTIMATE HORROR-TEXAS SPREE SHOOTER WAS DRESSED AS SANTA CLAUS.

2011-12-26T14:59:00.005-05:00

We won't speak the monster's name, and will provide nominal attention to an act so heinous. They say good luck/good fortune is the residue of hard work and good character-we can only assume that such defective people are the residue of a culture in decline. Given what we have seen lately out of the Texas governor, perhaps that state needs to look into it's own mirror to find some better solutions.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/12/26/police-say-gunman-in-texas-murder-suicide-dressed-as-santa/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ok8b7-REnhs&feature=related {Our specific definition of Hell-stuck in a lifeboat with Matthew McConaughey.."Oh, that is a near fatal stab wound.."}

ALAS WE BOUGHT NO LOTTERY TICKETS IN CECIL COUNTY, MARYLAND.

2011-12-26T13:55:00.002-05:00

The winning numbers were 14, 16, 30, 51, 52-with a Powerball of 19. See-this is why you should just play the 'random pick' option when/if you play the lottery. If we chose our own numbers, only ONE of the winning numbers above would have been among them (we like the 14}. The ticket was allegedly sold in Elkton, and is worth a cool $125 million//$78.9 million cash option//$51 million free-and-clear. If you learned of this outcome through our blog, we only request our standard 10% of 10%....

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/breaking/bs-md-powerball-winner-20111225,0,7466587.story